A waiter was serving my son a stack of pancakes that had been garnished with a sprig of parsley. When he saw my son grimace, the waiter removed the offending sprig and said, "Ah, parsley: the bridesmaid of food. Always invited, never eaten."

I called Pacific Bell (now the new AT&T) to discuss changes to my home office account. I'm pretty technical. After a couple of minutes, the guy says, "Would it be possible for me to speak to your husband?"

A delivery man came over yesterday, and I was holding back the dog: "Chewy, sit!" The guy smiles: "That's my name!"

A moving guy we hired was slow as molasses getting things from the truck to the house. My husband watched him through the window, turned to me and said, “Hard to believe he beat out 50 million other sperm.”